


I'll Hold Your Hands

by glitterandtears6



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan Howell/Phil Lester Comfort, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Fluff, Dermatillomania, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Skin Picking Disorder, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23685166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterandtears6/pseuds/glitterandtears6
Summary: Phil begins to notice Dan's skin picking problem and wants to help him stop.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 18





	I'll Hold Your Hands

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of blood and scabs; skin picking disorder/dermatillomania

Dan sat down on the sofa and turned on the TV. As the characters on the screen began chatting, Dan's hand crept up. It kept moving until it was on top of his head. His nails, although short, were able to search across his scalp and find the tiniest blemish and pick. And another one. And a third. Soon, he brought his fingers down and observed the blood with satisfaction. But the satisfaction didn't last. The slight smile fell to a frown as the pain and regret settled in. Still, he didn't stop. He couldn't.

"Is something wrong, Dan?"

Dan jumped, having been zoned out when Phil sat on the other side of the couch. "Uh, no. Just... yeah. Nothing's wrong."

Phil scooted closer, his eyebrows furrowed. "Why is there blood on your hands?"

"Just a scratch." Dan covered his hands and turned away ever-so-slightly.

Concern was brewing within Phil, but he knew it was best to leave it, at least for now. He stood and went to get breakfast. 

When Phil came back with two bowls of cereal, Dan's eyes were watering, and his hands were both on his head. "Dan. What's going on?" He sat down and placed the bowls on the coffee table carefully. 

Dan struggled to finish the scab he was picking at before he could speak. He heard Phil's voice, worried and persistent, but he just... had to... finish... 

Suddenly, there were hands pulling Dan's wrists away. He finally looked into Phil's eyes with a mix of frustration and sadness. "I'm... sorry," he mumbled.

"What is this?" Phil asked softly. He uncurled Dan's fingers and found blood, both old and fresh, coating his fingertips. 

Tears began to slowly run down Dan's cheeks. "I don't know. It- it started one day with a spot on my head... and now I can't stop. I... can't..."

"Oh, Dan." Phil pulled Dan into a hug as he began to cry. "Why didn't you tell me you were struggling?"

Dan sighed. "I mean, it's not like it's that bad. Or, it wasn't that bad." He glanced at the blood dried under his fingernails. "Plus, it's not your problem."

"It's my problem if I care about you and want to help you. Is there a way I could help?"

After a moment of thinking (mostly negative thoughts), Dan shrugged.

"Well... we can start with this: if I notice you doing it, I'll just gently point it out and you can stop. Does that sound okay?"

Dan was unsure, but decided to give it a try. "Sure."

The next few hours carried on as usual. It wasn't until they were sat on the sofa watching a movie before bed that night that Phil noticed Dan digging his fingernails into his skin. 

"Dan, you're doing it again."

Dan looked at Phil, a whirl of thoughts going through his head. He knew he meant well, but he couldn't help being a bit mad. He also wanted to stop, but he couldn't. He stared at the floor with frustration and helplessness while his fingers continued to work away.

"Dan?"

Shallow breaths puffed out of Dan's mouth as he tried with all his might to focus on anything but the damn scabs.

"Dan, stop."

"I can't!" Dan shouted. "I- I can't okay? Just..." Regret passed over his face. "Just, please stop."

Phil went to the other side of the couch, trying to hide his hurt. The movie playing didn't match the mood of the room, yet it continued, filling in the heavy silence.

A few minutes later, Dan was able to wipe away the tears under his eyes and speak up. "I'm sorry, Phil. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it wasn't. You just wanted to help me, and... and I..."

Phil sat up. "It's really hard for you, isn't it?" 

Dan nodded slowly.

"I see that now. I don't think me telling you will help."

"I don't either. It's not that I don't want your help, it's just really hard for me to just stop." 

Phil squinted in thought. "Well, what if your hands weren't available to, um, pick?"

Dan couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Yeah, I've tried stress balls and stuff. I know it works for some people, but-"

"No, like... Like, what if every time I noticed you picking I held your hands?"

It took a moment for the words to settle in. "What?"

Phil ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. "I mean, it's just a thought. Probably doesn't make much sense."

"No, I, uh... I kind of like it. 

Phil smiled cautiously. "Yeah?"

Dan nodded. "Yeah."

The movie night continued as usual. For the time being, Dan was able to hold a blanket in his hands and avoid the urge to pick. It wasn't until the credits were rolling and he had zoned out that he realized his hands were back on his scalp. Before the self-hate could settle in, Phil was by his side. 

Silently, Phil pulled Dan's arms down and linked their hands together. 

Dan tried not to squirm uncomfortably at being forced to stop halfway, but he soon calmed down. 

"Is this good?" Phil asked.

"Um, yeah. Yeah, it's a little frustrating at first, but it helps. Thank you."


End file.
